Memories
by emicha
Summary: -"Will it ever stop hurting, Corporal?", Mikasa asked him once while she watched the dead bodies of her fallen comrades burn from a distance. Her voice was dull and he could tell that she was holding back some tears. She felt like shit.- (For RivaMika-week;Day 1.:Memories)


RivaMika-week: Day one

Memories.

* * *

"_Will it ever stop hurting, Corporal?", Mikasa asked him once while she watched the dead bodies of her fallen comrades burn from a distance. Her voice was dull and he could tell that she was holding back some tears. She felt like shit. There she was, watching some dead people burn, thankfully, that none of her friends were one of them. And still she dared to cry._

_Levi stood a few steps behind her, hidden in the darkness of some trees. _

"_What's once gone, cannot be replaced. So, no, it won't.", he finally told her and after his words, they went silent for a long time. Both of them watched into the night, watched the burning fire and the ashes of lost souls, which dispersed with the soft wind. _

_It was the dark haired woman who broke the silence._

"_How do you get over it?"_

_Levi laughed without any humor about her question, but he did not mean to make fun of her. He was too tired to argue with her, too drained to start a fight. He was too sad._

_Levis laughter died fast. _

"_You don't. Because you will never stop losing people."_

Levi takes her pale handwhen they stand in front of the huge memorial stone which is filled with names of the dead all over and over. They look at it in silence, like they always do when they come to this place. And every time the visit is different from the last one. Levi remembers the first year after the stone was built.

_Back then they did not come together, not yet. The titans were gone since a short time only, the chaos was still present, wounds were still fresh, especially his owns. He had been injured very bad in the final battle against the horror of humanity, but he made it out alive, while the most did not. _

_It took him a long time to recover and when he was able to walk, he went to the memorial that was made in honor of the people he fought together with for victory, for freedom._

_In this year they met for the first time after the great fight. She was damaged, too. Maybe the most damaged of all survivors. Her loss was great and her eyes almost always wet and red._

She sighs and lays down a bunch of flowers.

Her free hand softly touches a few names, which are written in the cold stone.

_Springer, Connie; Smith, Erwin; Braus, Sasha.; Kirschtein, Jean; Hange, Zoe; Alert, Armin… Jeager, Eren… _

_The second year was different. They came together as friends. Over the year they often met, started to get along way better than back then, when there was still something tangible to fight. _

_Now they only had to fight parts of themselves. Bad dreams. The steady feeling of lost. Loneliness._

_It were hard times._

"You are the only one who still lays down this bunch of weed, Mikasa.", Levi finally breaks the silence, "Nobody would complain if you quit this."

"The only one complaining is you, my dear."

_The following years they did not come as friends anymore. They hardly believed by themselves, but friendship had grown to love. To a place they were able to feel save and sound. _

_In the fifth year, they even married near this place. Just to be closer to what they have lost._

He gently nudges her with his elbow and she chuckles. Then, silence grows again.

"I still see their faces. I still miss them.", she suddenly confesses .

Levi nods. "I know. So do I."

"I know."

_The next year Mikasa was actually unable to come to the memorial, she was barely able to move. But still they came, their both will was strong._

_And in the following year, they came in threes. _

_The deaths of their friends left empty spaces, which they were not able to fill._

_But they were able to make more room in their hearts, for people they could also love and care about._

"I still don't get why you allowed the brats to stay at home. It's important for them to know the meaning of this memorial. You're far too soft with them.", Levi changes the topic and Mikasa rolls her eyes.

"They're not brats anymore, Levi. You cannot force them any longer to come with us."

"I'm their father, I can make them do what the fuck I want."

_Times went by and they stopped counting the years they came to the peaceful place of the last rest of their friends. _

Mikasa looks at him in amusement. He always taught their children about the times they fought for the next generations future and how high the price for this has been.

This was already so many years ago.

Now she looks at her husband whose once black hair turns more gray, day by day, the wrinkles, which go deeper every time he talks and blinks. It's always the same place, the same man by her side. But they are changing.

"We're getting old.", Mikasa says quietly. It's a fact.

"Thank God we do."

"But still, we won't get over it. Not over them."

"No, we won't. Never.", Levi gently says and kisses her forehead.

They give the memorial one last look for this year. Maybe it is their last one, who knows, and head back home.

_Time passes by fast, but memories stay steady._


End file.
